


the politics of loving you

by wordsandwickedthings



Series: its the 60's baby! [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Protests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsandwickedthings/pseuds/wordsandwickedthings
Summary: Simon and baz meet up at a protest after meeting at a burlesque club and though penny and Lucas insist its a date (however weird a protest date may be) Simon is skeptical and dealing with a lot of strange feelings; but there was no doubt Baz and Simon needed each other there.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: its the 60's baby! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652224
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	the politics of loving you

**Author's Note:**

> there is obviously a lot of intense talk of homophobia (whether internalized or not) and I tried to keep it as light as possible while still doing justice to what would have actually been going on in the boy's head if this was actually going on.
> 
> enjoy :)

“it sounds like a date.” Penny was skipping next to Simon, a giddy smile on her face. 

“it’s a protest,” Simon reminded her.

Simon Snow was a fish out of water again. Surrounded by strangers in the street, screaming and marching and grabbing at one another. There had been protests and riots ever since the news of the police raids in America a few weeks ago, and because of it, the world was burning. it was a strange but invigorating movement. He didn’t feel like he belonged there – but he wanted to be there, he needed to. This was too important not to be. 

That didn’t stop his heart from pounding against his ribcage. 

“but he invited you.” Lucas’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. 

“to a political march.” Simon scrunched his nose, flicking at his friend. “That doesn’t scream I like you.” 

People had dates in coffee shops, not protests. 

Lucas wrapped his arm around his close friend’s neck, evermore an optimist than Simon, “maybe for him it does?”

Simon scanned the crowd, chewing at his lip. He wasn’t nervous – he wasn’t. 

“What does Niall say?” 

Penny laughed, poking him in the cheek, “that he’s winy and into you.” 

“and do I even want to know what you said?” the golden-haired boy groaned. 

“The truth,” penny said, smirking at him. “You’re winy and into him.” 

“Penny!”

She hit him and laughed, “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“you know it’s not that easy right.” 

Penny sighed, “yeah I know. But it should be.” She gripped at Simon’s arm, pulling her best friend to her, “it should be boy meets boy, boy likes boy, boy falls in love with the boy, happily ever after.” 

“tell that to them.” 

On the outskirts of the streets, there were counter-protesters. Maybe calling them counter-protesters was too kind, to clean off a word for what they really were; they were bigots. Simon breathed out; he knew they wouldn’t call themselves that. The protesters – bigots - were screaming too, but not about wanting acceptance and being who they are, but about God and sin and what they thought about who the people marching were. Who Simon was. The only thing separating them, and the crowed Simon was a part of was a strip of street that the two groups had silently decided was no man’s land – Simon didn’t want to think about what would happen if someone did cross that line.

“I’ll tear ‘em a new asshole if you want!” penny said far too casually. 

“yeah baby,” Lucas pumped his fist, “all’s fair in love and riots.” 

Simon groaned, “we are not rioting!” he held his hands up, saying, “we are protesting.”

Based on how the last few protests went; he didn’t know whether to believe that or not. 

Before he could dwell on anything, he looked up to see Baz. Simon paused to remember how walking worked. 

Baz was leaning against a statue’s base, his foot propped up against the concrete so you could see his knee through the rip in his jeans. He was smoking, getting ash on his leather jacket in a move that Simon would call painful. That jacket didn’t deserve that, it was too great. 

Baz didn’t look out of place – though Simon couldn’t recall a time he did. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together since that night at the burlesque club, mostly Baz showing up at his school to have lunch with Niall and them. The couple times Baz had called Simon had sent the boy’s stomach into a hurricane of butterflies. But in all those instances Baz had confidence in his own skin that Simon didn’t understand, blending in and standing out of a crowd all at the same time somehow. 

The raven-haired boy just had a way of holding himself that looked comfortable surrounded by people.

Lucas and penny catch the look in Simon’s face, fallowing his gaze. 

“hey, Baz!” Lucas screamed between his cupped palms, starting to run over to him. 

Simon tried not to flush crimson. He didn’t succeed. 

Baz whipped his head around at the sound of his name, catching Simon’s eye and smirking at the other boy’s embarrassment. 

“penny, you’re about to be an only child.” 

Penny cackles, “so you’re my dad now?” 

“shut up.” Simon couldn’t hide the way the corners of his mouth curled. 

Simon and Penny walked up to see the boys doing the weird handshake ritual again, Baz joining in this time. Simon cocked an eyebrow at the dancer, earning a roll of the eye when Baz caught it. The golden hair boy couldn’t help it, getting a surge of confidence, he winked, which clearly took Baz off guard for a moment before he composed himself, winking back. 

“hey,” Baz said, far too casually. 

“hi,” Simon prayed to god he was blushing. 

The conversation moved idly. The group talked about school, and the war, and the new bakery shop that was opening down the street. Anything that wasn’t that moment; anything that wasn’t the reason they were there. 

Not yet, Simon let out a breath, I don’t want to hang my head so heavily yet. 

For a moment he just needed to be Simon. 

The moment wouldn’t last though, because Baz was looking at him with such intensity that the others were bound to notice. 

And of course, the first to notice was Penny. 

She glances between the two boys and said, “Hey, Lucas, Niall, there’s someone with spare poster board over there. Want to go make signs that would make homophobes cry?” 

Niall punched Lucas’ shoulder. “I like her.” 

“Yeah?” Lucas asked, “she’s usually too aggressive for most.”

“I’m blunt! Fuck off!” Penny yelled at him as they shuffled away. Leaving Simon and Baz somehow alone in a crowd. 

“hi,” Baz said, “Like hi, hi.” 

Simon tilted his head, trying not to giggle. “Hi, hi?”

“Yeah, we didn’t get to, y’know, have like a proper hello.” 

The golden-haired boy didn’t try to contain his laughter then, “a proper hello? What did we miss?” 

“I don’t know,” Baz laughed along, “we need like a secret handshake or something.”

“well, you did have your man shake with Niall and Lucas.” 

Baz burst out laughing, dropping into a squat. Simon jumped back, staring down at the dancer in confusion. The raven-haired boy looked at him from his stance on the ground, “Fucking manshake?” 

“It wasn’t even that funny!” Simon rolled his eyes, laughing. 

Baz hopped back up, “it's so dumb!” 

Simon smacked at his shoulder without thinking, “what do you think 90% of my personality is?” 

“dork?” 

Simon laughed, hitting him again. 

“I like it,” Baz said, looking at the other boy. 

Suddenly Simon had to remind himself how to talk – it wasn’t working very well. 

“thank you,” Baz whispered out of the blue, “for coming, I mean. I didn’t know if you would.”

“why wouldn’t I?” Simon asked. 

Baz bit at his lip, looking anywhere but the golden-haired boy, “because you don’t seem very comfortable with that part of yourself.” 

The other boy frowned, “what part of myself?” 

“uh,” Baz scratched the back of his neck, “the part that likes me, if you know what I mean.” 

“I’m not uncomfortable with liking you the way I do,” Simon insisted, even though he knew it was a lie. 

He didn’t feel shame with the way he thought about Baz – at least not wholly. He had felt like this before with other boys, maybe not as intensely, but he had felt a shadow of it. 

“but you’re uncomfortable with what that means, and this movement is the embodiment of that.” Baz flared his hands around. 

“Stop dancing around and just say what you mean, Baz.” Simon was trying to contain his anger. 

“you know what I mean.” 

“But I want you to say it!” Simon yelled, catching the attention of a few people around them. “shit,” he muttered, “sorry,” is what he said to the people who had turned. 

“You’re still scared, Simon,” Baz brought his voice down, seeing how freaked out the other boy was getting. “you’re still afraid of being gay.” 

“I also like girls.” 

“You know what I’m saying. You’re scared, and I get it – I really do – but If you never let go of that fear it will eat you alive.” 

Simon huffed, “it’s a bit hard to do that when there are so many who would love to see me be eaten alive.” Simon waved his hand over to where the counter-protesters were. 

“fuck them!” Baz stepped closer to Simon, cupping his cheeks in his palms, “they don’t get a say in who we are.” 

“tell that to them!” 

Baz looked between the bigots and Simon, gears clearly moving in his head. “sure,” Baz said while smiling, pulling away from the golden-haired boy. 

“wait, no, Baz!” Simon yelled after him, “it was rhetorical.” 

“hey!” Baz jumped up on the mount of the statue, towering over everyone in the march – fully staring at counter-protesters. Simon couldn’t help but hide his face in his hands. “listen up dickwads! Who the fuck do you think you are?” he threw his arms up, clearly using his performer’s essence to his advantage, “who are you to speak for some guy in the sky and tell me I’m wrong? Who are you to tell me I can’t have a crush on a dork with cute curls and freckles is abhorrent?” Simon didn’t miss how his cheeks tinted pink, “fine, I’ll tell you who. Fucking assholes. Complete fucking wankfaces. So, you know what?! Fuck off!” Baz was panting, staring at the people as if he expected them to bow their heads in shame. When he realized they wouldn’t – Simon didn’t think they ever would – he flapped his arms, throwing his shoulder back in what the golden hair boy would assume was defeat. 

“Okay, okay,” Baz said, far more somber, “Maybe we do need to be better about helping people understand, and maybe we need to educate others so our world can move forward. But you know what? Not today.” The dancer ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t be your fucking experiment all the time. Sometimes I just want to exist, and live, without having to be someone else growth.” Baz shrugged. I get it, we all need to think about each other, but right now I’m thinking about my wellbeing. Go fuck yourself.” 

The performer took a bow and jumped off the stage as the bigots began to scream. 

Simon tried to control his breathing when Baz came back to him, looking more sheepish than he had when he headed for the statue. 

“That was foolish,” Simon couldn’t help but say it, “brave, but foolish as shit.” 

“yeah,” Baz breathed out. 

Simon grabbed at the boy’s bicep, “are you okay?” 

The raven-haired boy nodded his head in such a way Simon didn’t believe him. The golden-haired boy didn’t think before pulling Baz into a hug, gripping at his leather jacket. Baz froze at first until he let out a breath and wrapped his arms around the other boy.

“it was really brave,” Simon whispered in Baz’s ear, “I couldn’t have done it.” 

Baz tightened his hold. “they want me dead,” he mumbled back, nuzzling his head into Simon’s neck, “so I’m going to live. I’m going to live so boldly and bravely – and happily - just to spite them all.” 

Simon squeezed back, “let’s do it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> wanna see what kinda person I am? fallow me on things! that'd be cool!  
> tumblr: ravenclawsarepunkrock/wordsandwickedthings  
> twitter: @Just_adrie  
> instagram: just.adrie


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